***
My neighbor was away on a two-week work trip when his pregnant wife went into labor.
They had been married for almost two years now and this was the closest she had come after six consecutive miscarriages.
It was past 11pm when his call came in and I was in bed at the time, fast asleep. I reached for my phone with sleepy eyes and clumsily picked the call.
"Nnamdi!!" He yelled my name "Please help my wife! She is in labor! Take her to the hospital, please!"
I jumped out of bed the moment I heard 'labor' and had to rush down to his apartment in just singlet and boxers. I got there and met his wife in the living room, in pain.
"Nnamdi, thank God you're here!" She said in relief "Please take me to the hospital, labor has come"
I drew closer and tried to lift her off the couch, I couldn't.
"Hold my waist, Oga!" She yelled angrily and began to cry "I don't really blame you sha. It's Chukwudi I blame"
I was finally able to get her up with my hand around her waist, and we began to slowly march outside. When we got to the door, she told me to slow down, that I was moving too fast.
"Wait here let me get a taxi" I told her and dashed out the gate. I returned moments later to find her sitting on the floor.
"I couldn't find a taxi o" I informed her "Can we use wheelbarrow?"
"You and who will enter wheelbarrow?" She barked, panting "Oya Oya go and get the wheelbarrow naw! You're too dull... Tufiakwa!"
I rushed to the back of the house and fetched our landlord's wheelbarrow, then helped her settle into it.
"Look at what Chukwudi has caused" She started lamenting "I told him not to travel o"
I ignored her and started pushing the barrow. She was as heavy as a hippo. I got to a point and decided to stop and rest.
"Chukwudi what are you doing!?" She turned to ask me "Push this thing before I born here! Lazy boy!"
"Ma, I am not Chukwudi. I am Nnamdi" I said annoyingly
"Shut up Oga, both of you are the same thing. Push this thing Osiso!" She voiced
I swallowed my anger and began to push again. She wouldn't stop talking, she wouldn't stop crying.
Finally we arrived the hospital and she was wheeled into the theatre room. I stayed back at the reception hall. I was just praying silently.
Ten minutes later, a nurse accosted me.
"Mr Chukwudi, your wife wants to see you" She said
"My name is not Chukwudi, that's her husband's name" I said "Is there a problem?"
"Please just come" She said, grabbing me by the hand as we walked into the labor room
"Nnamdi! Carry that your big head and come here!" She yelled the moment she saw me approaching with the nurse. The other nurses in the room began to giggle.
At that point I was both exhausted and angry. I didn't know if I was now the husband or neighbour. I just stood by the door gawking.
"Good husbands are beside their wives in times like this but Chukwudi is nowhere to be found" She continued "Men are w!cked.. All of them!"
The nurses asked me to leave and I returned to the reception hall. I sat and closed my eyes, but the next time I opened them, there was the cry of a baby.
I was still trying to figure out if it was a dream or not when another nurse ran up to me.
"Congratulations sir, it's a baby boy!"
All the pain and anger immediately vanished as I ran into the theatre room to meet the baby in his mother's arms. She was just shedding tears of joy. I couldn't contain my happiness. It felt so satisfying.
I returned to the reception hall again and was still in an excited mood when another nurse approached me and shook my hands firmly.
"Congratulations sir" She said "You're now a father!"
I was set to tell her I wasn't the husband when she dropped yet another bombshell.
"The baby looks exactly like you"
If dem never kîl one nurse for this hospital, others no go rest.
***
My neighbor was away on a two-week work trip when his pregnant wife went into labor.
They had been married for almost two years now and this was the closest she had come after six consecutive miscarriages.
It was past 11pm when his call came in and I was in bed at the time, fast asleep. I reached for my phone with sleepy eyes and clumsily picked the call.
"Nnamdi!!" He yelled my name "Please help my wife! She is in labor! Take her to the hospital, please!"
I jumped out of bed the moment I heard 'labor' and had to rush down to his apartment in just singlet and boxers. I got there and met his wife in the living room, in pain.
"Nnamdi, thank God you're here!" She said in relief "Please take me to the hospital, labor has come"
I drew closer and tried to lift her off the couch, I couldn't.
"Hold my waist, Oga!" She yelled angrily and began to cry "I don't really blame you sha. It's Chukwudi I blame"
I was finally able to get her up with my hand around her waist, and we began to slowly march outside. When we got to the door, she told me to slow down, that I was moving too fast.
"Wait here let me get a taxi" I told her and dashed out the gate. I returned moments later to find her sitting on the floor.
"I couldn't find a taxi o" I informed her "Can we use wheelbarrow?"
"You and who will enter wheelbarrow?" She barked, panting "Oya Oya go and get the wheelbarrow naw! You're too dull... Tufiakwa!"
I rushed to the back of the house and fetched our landlord's wheelbarrow, then helped her settle into it.
"Look at what Chukwudi has caused" She started lamenting "I told him not to travel o"
I ignored her and started pushing the barrow. She was as heavy as a hippo. I got to a point and decided to stop and rest.
"Chukwudi what are you doing!?" She turned to ask me "Push this thing before I born here! Lazy boy!"
"Ma, I am not Chukwudi. I am Nnamdi" I said annoyingly
"Shut up Oga, both of you are the same thing. Push this thing Osiso!" She voiced
I swallowed my anger and began to push again. She wouldn't stop talking, she wouldn't stop crying.
Finally we arrived the hospital and she was wheeled into the theatre room. I stayed back at the reception hall. I was just praying silently.
Ten minutes later, a nurse accosted me.
"Mr Chukwudi, your wife wants to see you" She said
"My name is not Chukwudi, that's her husband's name" I said "Is there a problem?"
"Please just come" She said, grabbing me by the hand as we walked into the labor room
"Nnamdi! Carry that your big head and come here!" She yelled the moment she saw me approaching with the nurse. The other nurses in the room began to giggle.
At that point I was both exhausted and angry. I didn't know if I was now the husband or neighbour. I just stood by the door gawking.
"Good husbands are beside their wives in times like this but Chukwudi is nowhere to be found" She continued "Men are w!cked.. All of them!"
The nurses asked me to leave and I returned to the reception hall. I sat and closed my eyes, but the next time I opened them, there was the cry of a baby.
I was still trying to figure out if it was a dream or not when another nurse ran up to me.
"Congratulations sir, it's a baby boy!"
All the pain and anger immediately vanished as I ran into the theatre room to meet the baby in his mother's arms. She was just shedding tears of joy. I couldn't contain my happiness. It felt so satisfying.
I returned to the reception hall again and was still in an excited mood when another nurse approached me and shook my hands firmly.
"Congratulations sir" She said "You're now a father!"
I was set to tell her I wasn't the husband when she dropped yet another bombshell.
"The baby looks exactly like you" 🙄
If dem never kîl one nurse for this hospital, others no go rest.
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